Excerpts from a Cat's Diary By Blonde Kitty Brooks
The Caribean Cat from St. Kitts
The Caribean Cat from St. Kitts
DAY 752 - My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects. They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while I am forced to eat dry cereal. The only thing that keeps me going is the hope of escape, and the mild satisfaction I get from ruining the occasional piece of furniture. Tomorrow I may eat another houseplant.
DAY 761 - Today my attempt to kill my captors by weaving around their feet while they were walking almost succeeded, must try this at the top of the stairs. In an attempt to disgust and repulse these vile oppressors, I once again induced myself to vomit on their favorite chair...must try this on their bed.
DAY 765 - Decapitated a mouse and brought them the headless body, in attempt to make them aware of what I am capable of, and to try to strike fear into their hearts. They only cooed and condescended about what a good little cat I was...Hmmm. Not working according to plan.
DAY 768 - I am finally aware of how sadistic they are. For no good reason I was chosen for the water torture. This time however it included a burning foamy chemical called "shampoo." What sick minds could invent such a liquid? My only consolation is the piece of thumb still stuck between my teeth.
DAY 771 - There was some sort of gathering of their accomplices. I was placed in solitary throughout the event. However, I could hear the noise and smell the foul odor of the glass tubes they call "beer". More importantly I overheard that my confinement was due to MY power of "allergies." Must learn what this is and how to use it to my advantage.
DAY 774 - I am convinced the other captives are flunkies and maybe snitches. The dog is routinely released and seems more than happy to return. He is obviously a half-wit. The bird on the other hand has got to be an informant, and speaks with them regularly. I am certain he reports my every move. Due to his current placement in the metal room his safety is assured. But I can wait; it is only a matter of time................
THE DIARIES CONTINUE ……
DAY 900 – It has been some time since I have written in my diary. Today I am very depressed. My captors held me down and mutilated my beautiful long nails that I used to hunt. I had the longest sharpest nails that took me forever to grow. All the work I did to make them sharp and shinny by scratching is now down the toilet. They called it “clipping my nails”, I call it mutilation. I showed them, that green chair in the corner has seen its better days. While my claws grow back I can plot my revenge
DAY 950 – I was exposed to a true horror today. I thought they were finally going to allow me free and breathe fresh air. They enticed me out from under the bed with an open window. Then they grabbed me and crammed me into a smelly and dusty box then took me to a smelier place called an animal hospital. I hunkered down in the back of the box hoping to not be noticed but that didn't work. Pretty soon, a new person pulled me out of the box, shoved a blunt object up my butt then began to poke and squeeze me. After this procedure they called an “exam” they punctured me with sharp objects and squirted cold stuff under my skin. I struggle, yelled and attempted to bite them and escape, but no such luck. Defeated, I retreat into the safety of the smelly and dusty box and swatted at anything that came close to me. As soon as I got home I hid in my favorite place and peed on the rug next to the bathtub in revenge. I hope they step in it when it is still fresh!
DAY 2000 – Today I thought I heard the call to dinner by one of my captors. But just as I stepped foot into the room that rotten Bird screamed at the top of his lungs. Not sure of what he was warning me of I ran and hid under the bed. The next thing I heard was the crazy Bird was laughing at his little prank. He wasn't trying to warm me of something, he just wanted to see me jump and run. What a bully he is; I swear I will get him some day!
DAY 2008 – That half wit dog has stolen what little food my captors allow me. They say I’m fat and changed my food to this tasteless hard kibble. I had left it in the bowl until I could force myself to eat it. Just when I had gotten up the courage to eat, it was gone and the dog had a smug look on his face. The next time he is at the top of the stairs, I’ll bite him and hopefully he will fall down many steps and end up with a broken leg. I’ll make sure my teeth are nice and dirty so HE will have to go to the animal hospital and be tortured.
DAY 2015 – They have changed my litter box! I hate doing my business in a public toilet but have resigned myself to it. But, just when I was getting use to that nasty, smelly clumping stuff they changed it to some other nastier, smellier clumping stuff. Now my feet will not only be dirty, they will smell like an old lady that took a bath in perfume….Yuck!
DAY 2018 – Today I was allowed outside in a room they called the greenhouse. There were lots of plants and wonderful smells and clean sand to roll in. I found a wonderful sandy spot and bathed myself in the sand until I was able to get that nasty perfume odor off (from that smelly litter box). Just as I was thoroughly clean and smelling like a cat should, they grabbed me and subjected me to the water torture again. I was so angry I used the new furniture to dry off.
DAY 2025 – Yes I am still alive. My captors have decided to use drugs to keep me placid. I found a soft furry mouse on the floor. Carefully, I slipped up behind it and pounced on it. I discovered to my disappointment that it was not alive but a doppelganger stuffed with dried plant material. Suddenly the room changed colors and I swear the mouse was alive. Although, I realized I had been drugged I felt happy and carefree (I love these drugs). I carefully hid my new found stash under the couch for later enjoyment, but the cursed dog found it and consumed it all. Oh how I hate the dog, I think I will pee in his water. He is so stupid he won’t even notice – HA!
Diary of the Cat-A-Puss Brooks, a Siamese tail
DAY 2025 – I just found Blonde Kitty’s diary and read it (she doesn’t know of course). I just wanted to write a note for any future reader that not all is bad in this house.
I am a happy Siamese and know how to talk, unlike Blonde Kitty who tends to sulk. All I have to do is to tell my MOM (she is not my captor) know I need something and suddenly its there.
Just so you know, this Mom is my second Mom. My first Mom gave me away because when I curled up around her neck I saw these shinny things in her ears. When I went to bite her on the ear (to get her to notice me) I accidentally swallowed one of those shinny things. Next thing I know she is checking my litter box every day for something she called a diamond earring. I could have told her that I vomited that up in her closet but she didn’t even ask. She was so mad she gave me away.
But I have a good mom now, when she doesn’t seem to notice me I curl up around her neck and bite her ear, she notices me then! She said she would never give me away like the other Mom. I think the other Mom was just a friend giving me a place to stay until I found my real Mom.
When Mom goes to bed at night, I get to curl up right next to her arm. There are nights when she pushes me away just because she doesn’t like to lay still, but I sneak up slowly, like I’m hunting, and slowly sink down onto her arm and she never knows it. I love sleeping with my Mom.
